Words Without Eyes

We as humans try so hard to love other people, that we tend to forget ourselves. It takes a lot to refocus on our own growth and self care. It's just too easy for some of us to give give give and it sounds nice to give give. To be selfless, but losing yourself in selflessness isn't beneficial to anyone over time. They do say you can't pour from an empty cup but I think some of us do and are right now. So incredibly empty and yet somehow we are managing to hold it all together. I sit here and shake my head. If only we could have an "E" flash on our forehead just like a car's gas light when we are giving entirely too much of ourselves. It'd be nice to have proof. It's a shame that people couldn't just take our words for proof.  What I find myself doing when I feel my cup running on E, is setting timelines to give give just a little bit longer. I think it's because I find it easier to do all the work rather than face the problem. Or I do

Gloved hands I do not want to touch it the bloody flesh keeping me from lunch swishing and swirling of gloved hands it isn't my calling to surgically remove hearts I've left then on the steel table I've accidentally taken one home thinking it was a part of me Today was rough. I just rested and took it easy all day.

Here! Here are my words! Take them from me. Give me sleep. Sedate me into nothingness but only til the next feeding. The world is mine for the taking. I will not be held back anymore. I will not stand to be smaller for another human. My voice will echo, my strength will fluctuate but in the end my words will be here. They will be open and honest and left for the others to grab. To create to change the world. My stomach churns and my heart aches but how can I stop now? Let them leave. Let me love and love and drift into some forest somewhere. Leave me here to think up new things. To pull the meaning from my veins, from my roots. I'm on my face. Smothered into the dirt. What else do you want from me?  

Nothing makes sense while everything comes together. It's such a weird place to be. I'm excited to learn. I'm excited to have my energy back, but at the same time, I miss the boring. This, all this, is/was a wake up call. A it-can-all-be-wiped-away-but-your-words-are-forever kinda wake up call. And the pain, it hit so deep, I cried for days. I cried loud and quiet and screamed and left and reached out for clarity, but no one could give me anything because no one really knows what's really going on. They comfort and stand by me and love me while I writhe and drown in my own wake up call. So, when do the rules of reality cross over into fantasy and when does fantasy break the rules of reality. Is there really no etiquette? The boundaries just aren't clear and this is where I get so flustered. There should be rules, but then again, there are none with God, are there? Beside the laws of the universe, of course. Water is water, and cubes are cubes, and space has no o

I am a private person. I don't like to trust just anyone. With that being said, I am transparent, especially in my writing. At one point my opinions may change and I always try to acknowledge that in my writing. The reason why I acknowledge that is because I am always learning and trying to understand new thoughts and concepts. I always like to look at situations and think, ok, but what if I'm wrong. So the point to all this is I was thinking why are my words worth listening to? Does my honesty and transparency make me better than a liar? Absolutely, not. We are both human and full of error. But, does that make my words carry more weight than a liar? Weight as in, I will try my best to convey what happened or explain the perception that makes most sense to me. Not with the idea that I would hold absolute truth. No no. So whose words hold more weight, the honest man or the liar? The right answer should be the honest man. However, it seems in this world, people prefer the

Things have calmed down. I almost don't want to say anything so I can appreciate the peace but I can't not say anything. I'm one who likes to take action or be proactive especially when it comes to how I will act in the future. I try my best to make the world work in favor of my situation. It definitely doesn't always work. Here's an example. I get tons of anxiety when I go to Disney world since it's like a childhood dream. So the anxiety makes digestion slow down. The night before I eat a healthy dinner, then eat a small breakfast later in the day. It helps so I don't have a stomach ache all day. That's just a small logical example not really. Writing helps me in so many ways. And reading helps me sleep. I always pack those two things if I'm going to be somewhere. Being proactive can be a lifesaver That's for sure.